I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
