Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize