Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
