hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize