I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i believe in u and ur pee
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
