Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
