I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
