I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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