Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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