I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
