i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
