this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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