dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
