i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
