someone threw a dead crab at me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
