Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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