AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
