He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
