the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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