vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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