I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
