Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
accomplished twins. life is a go
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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