I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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