girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize