We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
