dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
