Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
