she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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