The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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