It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
