nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
