mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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