Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
