really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
