man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
