i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
