We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Hippo gnu deer
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
