I don't think brook has ever known best
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
