I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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