You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
