I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize