Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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