Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
