It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
