She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
