So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
