HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
