she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize