We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
