She is in my trunk
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
