did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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