with your own penis?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
