So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
