I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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