I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
