You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
