the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
