no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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