he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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