My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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