I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
