i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
