dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
