I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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