I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
