look no pants
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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