Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
