Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
COCAINE IS GR8
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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