I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
