also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Randomize
