I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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