If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
