Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
