Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
