I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Welp...herpes.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
