oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize