so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize