I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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