All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
