Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
