tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
