Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
