Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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