I just saw a hot homeless man
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
