she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
