She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize