what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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