He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
