Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize