I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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