is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
