there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize