i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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