you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
