the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
