3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Semen is not good for contacts.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
