I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You need a sexual gate keeper
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
