i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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