Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
