I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
