is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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