So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
