Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
